I'm happy you tell me you love me every night before you go to bed..

Ex Factor..

Is this just a silly game that forces you to act this way?

Beautiful Love..

Copied and Pasted from my Myspace blog..

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Beautiful Love..♥ Current mood: adored Beautiful Love... The love you give...Used to be a dream to me.. Never Once Did I Think I'd find that man.. The guy that would love and cherish me..Thereby setting my soul free.. I remember when I was 8 yrs old..Damaged in such a way.. That I would never, EVER give my heart and soul to a man.. Only for him to take it away.. I would never find my knight in shining armor to free me from this pain in my heart. A wall was formed, no one could ever love me..But me.. And out of nowhere, he came to me... In the story of my life..I knew he'd play a part.. I don't understand this feeling he's giving me....I've never known this.. How could I ever be so smitten by one single kiss... Everything I once knew, just flew out the door... The things I swore by, I just don't know anymore.. Does he love me too? I hope so.. My heart, my mind, my spirit, is so all over the place, I cn't catch up with it.. He doesn't kno my soul..He doesn't know me..He thinks he has to go.. How can I give my heart to a man? They've betrayed me so in the past.. I can't give it to him..I won't....I'll try.. It can't be real...My mind's tricking me...I know it won't last... So why do I keep running back?? Why am I so drawn to him? Why can't I just start over, with a new guy.? At war with myself, I'm going out on a limb....And giving myself...To him.. I apologize, you didn't know....You knew nothing of my mind.. But you waited for me, leaving your apprehensions behind.. My heart belongs to you, you took it from me, tearing off my shell... It took many months, our life together was hell..But u tried ur luck..tripped me..and I fell... Being with you makes my life complete, ur apart of me.. I wish you were inside my mind, U'd kno that I never mean to hurt u... Baby you're the only thing I see... Forever and a day with you, is wut I dream about.. What would I ever do without you? You kno me in and out.. No one could ever come between us baby, I mean that., it's true.. The only thing standing in our way..Is me...And you..

No longer a social bug..

Deleted my facebook account and I'm in the middle of trying to figure out how to delete my myspace..(Easier said than done I Guess..) I don't think I like those sites anymore. The people on my friends list irrritate me. And the only people I talk to on their are the ones I text and call anyway..So there's purely no point..That is all..

I lost Weight!!! YAY!!

I couldn't have dreamed of wearing these shorts last summer!! They were so tight! Messed up my understanding..lol Rly! I'm excited, that means I'm making progress! So I'm not terribly fat anymore...Just kinda fat..Lol :-)

Pull Their Resume'!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you meet a person, be it male or female, that you feel will never wrong you. That will always be there for you no matter what. And when they do hurt you, they catch you by surprise! Then you realize you should've done a background check, should've pulled that fool's resume! Some people are not good people!

A one sided friendship is not a friendship at all! If you're always there for them no matter what, but when you need them they are conveniently absent? Most times excuses are just that, EXCUSES!! I've recently learned that some people just ain't worth a damn! You just have to give them their walking papers! You're better off without them!!

Good day! :-)

I think I'm In lovve..

This is some really good lip gloss! I really like it! I checked it out on a whim. My sissy is addicted to Burt's Bees Chapstick. So I decided to try the lip gloss and I LOVE IT!!! I'm a lip fiend! I love lip stick, gloss and everything else. 2 thumbs up! But I'm still a MAC junkie..Don't get it twisted! Smooches! lol

Lol...Dn't mind that expression..haha

Cursed..:-(

[Chorus x2:]

I'm cursed with loving you baby
It hurts cause you'll never know it
I was put here to hopelessly love you
And you ain't thinking of me that's the torture I go through

It's been a long long time now
And I'm still trying to get you out
of my head, of my heart, of my whole damn soul
This love is still lingering it's getting old
But it ain't dying it's not even trying
And I can't fight it
I just bury it at the bottom hoping you might find
You are my love where my first
And now this love is just a curse
Oh, Yeah

[Chorus]

I don't know why I even called
Thinking our time has come again
Cause the first time wasn't right
No we where too young
I was too serious, you wanted to have fun
And now I look at us and see
How good it could be
If we could only get past the past
And see
That the love we had is there if we try it could last

[Chorus x2]

I'll be always loving you
I'll be always loving you
No mater what or where
I'll always care

[Chorus x4]

Being Crazy Keeps Me Sane...

I <3 My Sisters..

A lot of ppl live by the notion that you were born alone, you'll die alone. "Nobody needs nobody." I couldn't disagree more. I think friends are necessary, but quality is more important than quantity. With that said I have a few friends that are like the sisters I've always wanted. And they are all great in their own ways which makes me love them so.

* My Clone! I love her so much, I can talk to her about WHATEVER comes to mind. And by whatever I mean anything, guys, makeup, sex, school. Whatever is on my mind. I don't feel odd about my opinions on certain things because 90% of the time our opinions match (except when it comes to guys, our taste couldn't be more different). She's my long distance girlfriend! lol

*My Inspiration! She's the hardest working girl I've ever met and she has her head on straight. And even though she's younger than me, I look up to her. She has goals, and she's definitely going to accomplish them. She's a logical person, and though I am too, my emotions tend to get the best of me. She keeps me grounded, if I'm being stupid, she'll let me know. And whenever I need her she's always there. ALWAYS! And she's proved it time and time again. I thank God for bringing her to me because with the shitty friends I've had in the past..I didn't know a person like her existed.

My Mother! Of course she's not really my mother, but since I've known her she's always tried to instruct me to do the right things. She will always let me know that I'm wrong when I've messed up. She's another girl with goals, I've learned that you should surround yourself with people that are much like you and you'll have less problems. I met her through a friend and I'm glad I did. She's great and I love her!

Of course I have more friends than the three I mentioned. But these are my ride or die's..My sisters for life. I'll love them forever no matter how far apart we grow or live. :-)

Evolution

When Mildred became Nicole..
It caught many people by surprise..Most people thought I just didn't like my name anymore..But I reinvented myself. When I made the choice to let go of past anger, hurt, grudges..I let go of everything that reminded me of the past. In order for me to find peace around me, I had to find peace inside me. Mildred had so many things holding her soul heavy that it was impossible to grow. Nicole had to take over and I'm a better me because of it. Sure I still answer to Mildred, it'll always be my name. But in my heart Mildred is still 8 years old and scarred for life.

I need this..

No RLY! I NEEED this..This swimsuit is sooo sexy! N just wut I need this summer...Definitely on my wish list.

I feel a RANT coming on...

What's up with the legal system these days?? This seems random maybe, but it's really not. Just like many other black men, my eldest brother is in prison. He was sentenced to 14 years for armed robbery of a gas station/gun shop. (Yea that was smart of him) He did it in Missouri, so he'll have to serve his sentence there. In Missouri you have to serve 80% of your time, wherein other states you have to do 60% and below. This is also his very first offense, he doesn't have a criminal background, yet he has to serve about 11, (give or take a few months)years in prison.

*SideNote* Don't get me wrong, I agree that it was very silly of him to try to rob anyone, I also agree that he needs to be punished. I do not think my brother is above the law by any means, but I will get to my point in 5..4..3..2..

Today I read a story today about a woman whose mom died in 2003, she kept her corpse INSIDE HER HOUSE, IN HER BEDROOM up until late March 2009. That's one of the sickest things I've ever heard in my entire life, yet she's only facing 15 years in prison. Something in my head just doesn't compute. No one was harmed when my brother pulled that idiot move, nobody died so corpses were not a factor; but they get virtually the same sentence? And depending on her state, (I can't recall) she'll serve LESS time for a seemingly much more heinous crime.

Everyday pedophiles, murderers with plea deals, woman beaters get less time or even probation sometimes. When my brother, who didn't harm anyone, and doesn't have a criminal background has to serve 11 years for who knows what amount of money. Hmm..I don't get it! K..You're dismissed!

Stole this quote..

be loved but never love.attached but never combined. trip but never fall. to be broken is better than being shattered. tell your strength but never your past. be trustworthy but never trust. be cracked but never open.

My fav. song right now...Like On some Repeat Type stuff..